SW 112 Interview with Micheal Abramson on Exposition and Social Fiction
In our conversation we talked about how he introduced a third character to deal with As-You-Know-Bob exposition. Here is the Example from his book Dominate Trait. The first is the original draft, and below is the revised version.
Original, Before EXPOSITION Improvements
Dr. Watts, the school’s Guidance Counselor, is a man in his late 50’s and had been working at the school for over 20 years. Despite being well respected by many of his colleagues and students, Walter never felt comfortable around Dr. Watts and was not particularly looking forward to meeting with him.
“Come in, Walter. Come on in and sit down. Mr. Langmore told me what happened. Let’s first start with the good news. Congratulations on receiving a True Score of an ‘A’ in PE.”
“Thanks, I guess.”
“What do you mean you ‘guess’? Are you not happy about your grade?”
“Sort of. I mean, I am the fastest kid in the class, so I assumed I would get an ‘A’. But I noticed many other students who didn’t run anywhere as fast as I did and also got an ‘A’.”
“What difference does is make to you what scores the other students received? You worked hard and received an ‘A’ and that should be only thing to focus on.”
“But you don’t understand,” said Walter with as much conviction as a twelve-year-old could muster. “Paul Trimmer came in 11th place, a full forty seconds behind me, and got an A as well. I guess I just don’t feel like an A means that much if the 11th place finisher can get that score.”
Dr Watt’s response came quick and sterner than Walter had expected. “Walter, I think it is actually you who does not understand.” With a few clicks on his computer and a turn of the monitor, Walter was staring at his own DNA Mapping Chart, a chart he has seen several times before but has never taken much interest in.
“Back twenty-five years ago, DNA testing was conducted primarily to learn of potential disorders or mutated cells, which can then be corrected with stem cells. This helped minimize, and even eliminate, diseases such as Down Syndrome, Spinal Muscular Atrophy, and Parkinson’s Disease.
“It was eventually realized there were other amazing benefits from DNA learnings. Instead of DNA data being thought of in just scientific terms, a private technology firm came up with a concept that changed everything.”
Walter broke his silence. “Let me guess, was the company Forge Genetics?”
Dr. Watts was glad to see Walter engaged. “That’s right, Walter. While scientists have been able to identify hundreds of different genetic codes and traits, Forge Genetics was the first to group these traits and map them to specific aptitudes and abilities. Let me give you an example.”
Dr. Watts opened his file cabinet and placed a piece of paper in front of Walter. At the top, Walter noticed the Forge Genetics logo and the words ‘Runners Group’.
“Forge Genetics found that people who are strong runners, much like yourself, are strong in the traits listed here such as flexibility, muscle mass and muscle recovery.
“Forge then mapped all the genetic traits associated with these aptitudes and, by testing their DNA, we know for each student if they have a High, Medium, or Low Genetic Potential for being strong at running.
“You know this mapping as Genome Aptitude Potential, and, of course, it goes way beyond just runners.
“Forge Genetics worked close with educators to define and map aptitudes associated with every education class and subject matter. In fact, I am honored to say that I was one of the educators that worked close with Forge Genetics.
“Walter, do you see that picture on the wall over there?”
Walter, slowly and reluctantly, turned to look at the picture on the wall.
“That is a picture of me and Daniel Forge, the founder of Forge Genetics. It was almost 20 years ago, and not long after the Social-Democrats won the White House for the first time, when I spent two entire weeks on the Forge Genetics campus. Along with other top educators from around the country, we helped the company develop the True Score system.”
Even though Walter was staring at the picture and not at Dr. Watts, he sensed there was large, smug smile on his face when he mentioned the Social-Democrats. It was well known that Dr. Watts was a huge supporter of the political party.
“Are you saying that just because someone has a lower genetic potential, they should automatically get a high score?” asked Walter.
“Not at all. The key is to understand not just which aptitudes someone has a High, Medium, or Low Genetic Potential for, but to also understand the range of this potential.
“While the range is pre-defined by one’s genetics, moving within that range can be impacted by environmental or self-motivation factors such as practice and hard work. How much one can achieve from within their individual aptitude range is what the True Score system is based on.”
Walter started to think about his own genetic scores. His parents always told him he had High Genetic Potential across many key aptitudes. Then he thought again about Paul Trimmer and wondered what his mapping would look like.
“You know,” continued Dr. Watts. “The scoring system did not come easy as it was considered very controversial by some. There was even much debate on whether the True Score system should be used.”
“What do you mean?” asked Walter as he shifted a little bit up in his chair.
“Well, when the idea was first introduced, there were very public debates on this topic. Conservatives felt that the traditional scoring system based on a class average is more appropriate. Their opinion was that a strong capitalistic society is built on the ideals of free competition and being judged relative to your peers is the cornerstone.”
This seemed right to Walter as he shook his head in a positive manner to Dr Watts.
“Hold on, Walter. Counterpoint, however, came from the Social Democratic Party, which felt that success is largely brought on by individual passion and drive.
“Their opinion, as is also my opinion, is that the old system often discouraged students in pursuing subjects they are passionate about, as they would need to work much harder than students who have a High Genetic Potential.
“By using True-Score, students are instead rewarded and motivated based on their own individual effort and drive.”
While Walter did not shake his head this time, he did see fairness in this opinion as well.
“As Social Democrats took more control in government, and eventually The White House, implementing the True Score System across all primary and secondary education was voted on and approved.
“And I am very proud to say that it didn’t take long before it was considered a success. Compared to the old system, students were more motived to reach their potential which, in turn, led to higher self-confidence, higher graduation rates, less school fights and even lower levels of depression and suicide.”
Dr. Watts gave pause to see if Walter had any questions.
“I see how this system can help those with lesser genetics, but does it need to come at my expense? I mean, if I ended the race in 11th place with the exact same time as Paul, I wouldn’t get an A, even though I achieved at the same level.”
Dr. Watts, frustrated that Walter was not understanding him, took a deep breath to calm himself down before he responded to Walter.
“You need to remember this, Walter. What makes this system work so well is that each person is scored based on their own potential. Your Genetic Aptitude Report shows you are marked with High Genetic Potential across many aptitudes, including running.
“Paul’s chart shows he has a Low Genetic Potential for running, one of the lowest in the class, and yet he was able to push hard and come in 11th of 25 students. Shouldn’t that kind of effort be rewarded with an A?”
Walter did not respond to the question. He felt as if he should respond with a ‘yes’, but he could not push away the feeling that he should have a better grade then Paul, the feeling that he was somehow cheated.
Dr. Watts, uncertain if Walter was convinced, decided on a different approach.
“Walter, your parents are among a group who opposed the True-Score System. Have they provided you with any additional information, perhaps something we left out?”
Walter’s mind rushed through the stories of how both his parents were very much opposed to this system and were even part of an organization in fighting against using the True Score system.
He then remembered a story of his mom one time speaking on a panel directly against Dr. Watts at a town hall meeting. He was not sure if it was about the scoring system or something else, however, he did remember his mom saying that Dr. Watts did not have priorities right. Walter wondered if that was why he never fully trusted him.
“There is one thing I remember,” said Walter. “To satisfy those who were against these changes, the government agreed to allow schools to also provide a second score called Raw Score which is based on the original system of grading based on the class average.”
Dr. Watts gave a hesitant nod to this. “That is correct, Walter, however, the True Score grades are your official grades and should be the only scores used to truly get the best out of each and every student.
“Walter, you do have a High Genetic Potential for most subjects, however, you don’t have it for all of them. Just take a look at the monitor.”
Walter stared into the screen which was turned in his direction and saw immediately which subject Dr. Watts was talking about.
“Social Studies.”
“That’s right, Walter. You have only a Medium Genetic Potential for Social Studies, and, if I am not mistaken, you have your Social Studies final one week from today.
“Let’s say you studied hard and performed at the high end of your potential on the exam. You, deservingly, receive a True Score of an ‘A’ despite being the 11th best score in the class. Should you be punched by the top scorer?”
“No, of course not. I know I was wrong for punching Paul and I really am sorry about that.”
“I know you are Walter. Let me discuss this further with Coach Langmore and we can the decide then what the consequences will be. For now, I want you focus on your upcoming finals, particularly for your Social Studies exam.”
Revised
Dr. Watts has been the school’s Guidance Counselor for over thirty years and is well respected by many of his colleagues and students. Despite that, and with no logical reason he could think of, Walter never felt comfortable around him.
“Come in, Walter,” said Dr. Watts, greeting Walter with a broad smile. “Come on in and sit down. Mr. Langmore told me what happened. Let’s first start with the good news. Congratulations on a True Score of an A in your PE class.”
“Thanks, I think.”
“What do you mean you ‘think’? Are you not happy about your grade?”
“Sort of. I mean, I am the fastest kid in the class, so I assumed I would get an A. But there were other students who finished so far behind me who also got an A or A-.”
“What difference does it make to you what scores the other students received?” said Dr. Watts. “You worked hard and received the top score. Shouldn’t that be the only thing for you to focus on?”
“But you don’t understand,” said Walter, who then had to pause as two quick and loud knocks came from the door.
Before Dr. Watts could respond, the door opened and a woman, professionally dressed and in her early fifties, entered.
“Hello, Mrs. Kendrick,” said Dr. Watts in a calm but decisively not-so-friendly tone.
“Hello Dr. Watts,” replied Walter’s mother in a matching tone.
Walter knew the two to regard one another with disdain for as long as he could remember, so their lack of friendly banter was not a surprise to him. Just then, Dr. Watts returned his attention to Walter.
“Oh, right,” said Walter, scrambling to remember what he was saying before his mother entered the room.
“When you went to school,” said Walter, focusing his attention back to Dr. Watts, “there was no such thing as True Scores and I just don’t think you understand how it feels to be the best at something and then get the same score as someone else who is not nearly as good. It just doesn’t feel like an A means that much if the 11th place finisher can get that same score.”
Despite Walter not intentionally meaning to please his mom, her grim smile of satisfaction at that moment was obvious.
“I see,” said Dr. Watts, returning the smile. “I have something I would like to show you.” Dr. Watts pulled out a piece of paper from his filing cabinet and placed it in front of Walter. “Here we go. The Runner’s Group by Forge Genetics.”
“Hold on a sec,” said Susan. “Aren’t the details of any Genome Aptitude Potential grouping intended to be kept confidential?”
“Yes, you are correct, Mrs. Kendrick. But I am hoping to make an exception this one time if that’s OK.”
Susan, using her strategies as a lawyer, quickly debated the pros and cons in her head and decided it was fine.
“Walter, there are very specific genetic traits associated with the Runners Group,” said Dr. Watts. “According to Forge Genetics, strong runners typically will have high genetic potential for the traits listed on that paper such as flexibility, muscle mass and quick muscle recovery.”
“Where are you going with this Dr. Watts?” asked Susan, now unsure if she should have agreed to sharing this data.
“Let me show you,” said Dr Watts. A few clicks on his computer and a turn of the monitor, and Walter was staring at his own DNA chart.
“Walter, according to your Forge Genetic Mapping, you have a High Genetic Potential for the Runner’s Group. In other words, you have been gifted with great genetics for running. Paul, on the other hand, has a Low Genetic Potential for running. The effort for him to even come in eleventh place was tremendous and deserving of a True Score grade of an A.”
Dr. Watts continued, “Genetic mapping charts outline which aptitudes each student have a High, Medium, or Low Genetic Potential for, however, what is key is to also understand the range of this potential.”
Dr. Watts, fully aware of Susan’s detestation of the True Score measurement, maintained his focus on Walter.
“While the range is pre-defined by one’s genetics, moving within that range can be impacted by environmental or even self-motivation factors such as practice and hard work. The beauty of the True Score system is that it is based on how much one can achieve from within their individual aptitude range.”
Walter had been told before of his High Genetic Potential across many aptitudes; however, upon seeing his actual genetic scores for the first time, Walter was just starting to comprehend the extent of his Genetic Potential.
“Furthermore,” continued Dr. Watts, “with the old scoring system of grading against the class average, students with Low Genetic Potential would have to work very hard just to get a passing grade, often discouraging students in pursuing certain subjects, even ones they are passionate about.
“With the True Score system, students, instead, are rewarded and motivated based on their own individual effort and drive.”
Despite remaining silent, Walter absorbed this information and saw the fairness of True Score. Susan, of course, did not see this fairness; however, she too remained quiet as she knew her turn would come soon enough.
“I’m proud to say it didn’t take long after we implemented True Score before it was considered a success,” said Dr. Watts. “Compared to the old system, students became more motivated to reach their potential leading to higher levels of self-confidence, higher graduation rates, fewer school fights and even lower levels of depression and suicide.”
Dr. Watts finally gave pause, assuming Susan would jump in with a counterpoint. Waiting an appropriate amount of time without a response, Dr. Watts brimmed with confidence.
They then heard a familiar sound as the end of the school day bell rang.
“I’ll discuss this further with Coach Langmore and we’ll decide what the consequences will be. For now, just stay focused on your remaining upcoming finals.”
After departing Dr. Watts’ office, Susan insisted on driving Walter home as she wanted to add to the conversation while it was still fresh in Walter’s mind.
“Mom, I really am sorry that I pushed Paul,” said Walter as he buckled in his seatbelt.
“I know you are, and you were wrong to do that. However, you were NOT wrong in feeling superior to him.”
“What? What do you mean? I don’t feel superior to Paul,” said Walter, not sure if this was going to make his mom happy or angry.
“But you are superior, Walter. The one thing Dr. Watts got right is that you are gifted with great genetics, and, as I’m sure you noticed on your genetic chart, it’s not just for running.”
Walter sank a bit in his seat, not quite sure what to think about that.
“I don’t even understand why you’re so upset with the grading system,” said Walter. “Schools also provide a Raw Score based on class average. With both scores in place, I would think that would make everyone happy.”
“Requiring schools to include Raw Scores was a big win for us,” said Susan, “something I personally had a lot of involvement in. While I am glad it’s provided, the education system, and way too many parents, still focus primarily on the True Score.
“What is important to understand, Walter, is that a strong society is built on the ideals of free competition, and to be judged relative to your peers is the cornerstone of that.”
Walter needed a moment to think about that. His mind shifted to his genetic scores and all the graphs depicting his potential range at the high end of so many of the different aptitudes. Then, his mind shifted once again, this time to when Paul was lying on the ground and bleeding for something he did not do.
“I don’t agree with you mom,” said Walter, with a renewed confidence. “Paul worked as hard as I did in that race, maybe even harder. If it weren’t for True Score, Paul would have no chance of getting an A, no matter how hard he worked, and I don’t see how that would be fair at all.”
As Susan pulled into their home driveway and put the car in park, she turned to look Walter in the eyes for the first time since the start of the conversation.
“Walter, you must have had a moment of anger just prior to pushing Paul. What were you so angry about?”
“I . . I was angry that other kids who were slower than me received the same True Score.” Before even finishing the sentence did Walter realize he was saying exactly what his mother was fishing for. “But that was a moment of weakness and I now realize I was wrong to feel that way.”
“Were you?” asked Susan. “I will always respect your opinion, Walter. I just want to be certain you are thoughtful and honest with yourself in your thoughts.”
‘Was I wrong to feel that way?’ Walter questioned himself. ‘Would I really be OK with it the next time a similar situation happens?’
He, once again, thought back, not to the moment he pushed Paul, but a few seconds earlier when Paul approached him. He remembered Paul’s smile and confidence, as if it were him who had just won the race.
“I WAS wrong to feel any anger. The True Score system does work,” said Walter, looking right into his mother’s eyes.
Undeterred, Susan nodded at Walter and walked into the house. She knew Walter’s initial gut feeling of anger towards Paul was his true feeling. She had seen it too many times before in the courtroom to believe otherwise.
Her only concern was for Walter to realize this before he reached Institution Status. Otherwise, it might then be too late.